teodoralexandra

It's 1:09 a.m. and I can't sleep. I got up at noon thirty today after about 13 hours of sleep, so it figures. I am tired and I want to sleep, but I can't. I'm feeling really antsy and frustrated today. Angry almost. I've done nothing. I had a good New Year's. Jim wen't to the E.R. the next day, but he's okay. Panic attack they think. Only his was far worse than mine. I am so in love with him. But, I just feel like I can't focus on anything. I think the Lexapro is hurting more than it is helping. I'm bruising still. Everyday I get reminded by mom how awful it is that I'm on these meds. How "[I[ should only take them when I feel the need to" "No, mom it doesn't work that way, you have to take it everyday. I take Ativan when I need to" "What you're on Ativan, I didn't know that" "Yes you did mom, I told you. We've had conversations over this" I can't deal with being made to feel like I'm embarassing them by taking meds. I can't. I'm trying really hard here. But they don't make it easy. The fighting and the yelling does not help. On the 30th I texted Julia asking if I could stay with her the rest of break. It was that bad. I think it was the 29th now that I think of it. I just. There is no place that will keep me safe. School is just me being alone. Home is just constant fighting. I have to pick between two evils. I'm so  upset about Linda not coming back to live with me. As much as I know that it isn't a personal attack, I can't help but take it personally. She is one of my best friends. I lost concentration. I'm gonna stop blogging. Later.